Behind Closed Doors
by BornThisWay
Summary: Just because they're Superstars, doesn't mean that they're not ordinary people .. a series of one shots based loosely around the song 'behind closed doors' .. what happens when the arena lights dim and the crowd goes home? A look at life beyond the ring..
1. Fear

**Summary – **Loosely based upon the song 'Behind Closed Doors' by Rise Against. This story is a collection of one shots showcasing the experiences of the WWE Superstars on the road, backstage and 'behind closed doors'. They're real human beings; this is what they go through.

**Authors notes – **The one shots in this story will be linked together by Shawn Michaels, who is playing narrator basically – Shawn is experiencing an out of body experience of sorts; he can see everything that is going on, yet no one can see him. Everything Shawn says will be in bold, including any lyrics from the song and will be at the beginning of every chapter – flashbacks in italics. Each chapter is titled with an emotion, which will hopefully give you a heads up on what will happen in the chapter.

**Disclaimer - **The scenarios involving the Superstars are entirely fictional and in no way real; they are simply real life situations that the characters have been put in for the purpose of this story. I own nothing, or none of the Superstars in the story. I don't own the song ' Behind Closed Doors', and I don't own Rise Against either

Reviews and feedback are welcomed, flames included. Enjoy.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Fear**

"**Champions. When they step into that squared circle they feel invincible. On top of the world, they can do it all; win or lose, they rise above injury, illness and fatigue to put on a show. But what happens when the lights dim and the crowd goes home? They're just ordinary people. They laugh, and they cry. They experience loss and they feel pain. For roughly 300 days a year they are away from their loved ones ... they confide in each other and become family ... This is their story ..."**

Quiet laughter is heard as Billy Kidman perches on the edge of the bed his wife is lying in. Stroking her small hands in his, he gazes down upon her fondly. Her face is covered by an oxygen mask, her usually bright eyes tired and empty. The sparkle that could found in her smile was long gone; just like her golden hair that had fallen out slowly with the chemotherapy. Torrie Wilson is hidden behind a maze of wires and machines but she's as beautiful now as she was the day they first met.

It was only five minutes before that Dr Norton had uttered the words that would haunt Billy forever.

"_It's back ... we thought the surgery had been a success but we were too late ... the cancer has spread."_

Tears had streamed down his face as the reality of the doctor's diagnosis had sunk in.

"_I'm sorry ... but there's nothing else we can do ..." _

_**When hope is non-existent ...**_

Now, Billy had to break the news to his wife. Shuffling closer towards her, he bent over, and kissed her lightly on the forehead. She smiled briefly, but the smile failed to reach her eyes. He had bad news, she knew. She could read Billy like a book, ever since they had first met backstage at WCW.

_--------------------------------------------------_

"_Victoria, this is Billy Kidman. You'll be his valet this evening, and if we like what we see, possibly his manager." Ted Turner said, nodding at Billy as he turned to leave. "Kidman, take care of her out there."_

_Billy stepped toward Torrie nervously. She was gorgeous, a fool could see that. "Uh ... hey. I'm Billy."_

_She smiled back at him, amused by the little shake in his voice as he repeated his name, even though she'd heard it moments earlier. He was bright red, obviously embarrassed by his behaviour._

"_I know," she smiled lightly, sticking her hand out to shake his in greeting. "I'm Victoria, but you can call me Torrie, I don't mind. It's nice to meet you." She gave him another once over, taking in his shoulder length hair and his chocolate brown eyes_.

_Billy moved closer, grasping her hand between his. He seemed entranced by her smile, and was still a bit flustered. He mentally slapped himself, knowing that he had to come back down to earth and regain his composure if he was to have any chance with this women. He pressed his lips to her cheek, surprising even himself with his forward behaviour. Blushing, he dropped her hands and stepped back. "It's nice to meet you too," he muttered, eyes falling to the floor._

_Torrie raised a hand to her cheek, savoring the touch of his soft lips against her cool skin. "Ah .. well I guess I'll meet you at the Gorilla before your match so I can walk you to the ring right?" _

_He shuffled his feet, still looking at the floor. He needed to get out of there, he was mortified by what he'd done. His life had always been about wrestling; he never went to his senior prom, never had a serious girlfriend. But there was something about Torrie, he just couldn't put a finger on it._

"_You know, if you want, I can ask Ted to put you in a storyline with someone else .." he stuttered._

"_No, don't do that," she half yelled. "This is fine."_

_He glanced up, and noticed her flushed cheeks. Had she felt it too? The spark, the chemistry that had flowed between them for the mere seconds they'd touched? "Really?"_

"_Really." She grinned. There was something about this boy ..."I can't wait."_

_--------------------------------------------------_

"Torrie?" She shook her head slightly, shaking away the cobwebs of her daydream. Billy smiled down at her sadly. "I've been calling your name for the last five minutes Tor," he joked. "Where did you go?"

"Just thinking," she rasped, her voice weak. She coughed; it was hard enough breathing behind the oxygen mask, let alone speaking. "Of the first time we met .. how I fell for you the moment I met you." She tried to tighten her grip on his hands, showing him that she cared, but she didn't have the strength.

Billy choked back a sob. She was making this so much harder, without even trying. How do you tell the women that you promised to love and cherish for the rest of her life that she's going to die? How do you tell her that she has to say goodbye to her husband and her six year old daughter, that she'll never see her daughter grow up? Never get the chance to watch her first dance recital, never see her graduate? He felt the taste of blood in his mouth, mingled with the taste of salty tears. Continuing to bite his lip, ignoring the pain and the blood on his tongue, he reached forward and gathered his wife up carefully in his arms. She was a shadow of her former self, bones protruding from her taut skin. Her figure was gone, but her fighting spirit was still there.

**Our instincts all scream "Run"**...

She slowly lifted her head to meet his eyes, and was met with a look of pure fear. "Billy, what is it?" she rasped.

The pain in his eyes was unbearable, and she wanted to be able to make it all better ... but she didn't know just how much he was hurting ... and she knew that whatever it was, this was one thing she couldn't fix. Tears gathered in her eyes and as they flowed freely down her cheeks she clung to her husband. He held her to his chest, thumbing away the tears that were now mingling with his own. Taking a deep breath, he began to speak. "Babe, do you remember when Taine was born?"

_--------------------------------------------------_

_"Goddamnit Torrie, push!" Billy cried, standing beside her bed. She had been in labour for over fourteen hours now, and Billy had been beside her every step of the way. There was an eager bunch of WWE Superstars crowded in the hallway, the guys wincing every time Torrie yelled some obscenity at her husband. "You're cutting off the circulation in my hand!"_

_"Don't you tell me to push! This is all your fault! You put me here in the first place! The pain you're feeling is nothing!"_

_"Me! I never saw you objecting!"_

_"Alright Torrie, I need you to push one more time, one more big push!" Dr. Norton said with a massive smile across her face. Torrie scrunched up her face with concentration and pushed, gripping onto Billy's arm with all she had. "That's it! I can see a head! One more push!"_

_"C'mon Tor, you're almost there," Billy said softly, using his free hand to push her hair back from her eyes." You're doing an awesome job."_

"_It hurts so much," she cried, teeth gritted together. "I can't do one more push."_

"_Tor, you can do it, I know you can. You are giving me the greatest gift - becoming a father, the father of our baby - and I promise I will do everything in my power to love you both so much it hurts."_

"_How can you make that sort of promise when you haven't even seen the baby yet?" She panted, trying to gather the strength to push one more time._

"_Because I love you so much that I would die for you, and if our baby is even the slightest bit like you, I know that it won't be a problem." She stared at him, taking in the glowing expression upon his face, the smile that reached his eyes full of love. She knew he was telling the truth._

"_I can do this," she said to herself. "I can do it."_

_And she pushed._

_--------------------------------------------------_

"Of course I remember," she whispered. "I could never forget the birth of our baby girl."

Billy sighed heavily."Do you remember ..." he paused, heart breaking as he tried to find the right words. "Do you remember when I said you were giving me the greatest gift of becoming a father?"

She glanced up at him, not needing to say a word. There was an unspoken connection between them so strong that he could tell what she wanted to say without her having to say it. "I lied."

Her eyes found his again, pleading with him to explain himself. He obliged, holding her closer so she couldn't see his face if he broke down. "The greatest gift you could have ever given me is you. Taine is a part of that, but you have given so much of yourself to me, that I could never ask for anything more. You've been here through my ups and my downs, and you never ask anything in return. You're a part of me, and I carry you with me wherever I go ... " He trailed off, words failing him. How could he explain to her how he felt? How he would always feel? How he had felt since the day they had met, and the first time he'd said those three little words to her ...

_--------------------------------------------------_

_She stood on the apron cheering as Billy pinned Juventud Guerrera_ _to claim his first WCW World Cruiserweight Title. As the referee held Billy's hand high in victory, she stepped through the ropes and handed him his belt. He stared at the title, excited beyond belief. He'd done it. His first Championship. Lifting his head he saw Torrie standing there shyly. They'd been dating for about a year now, it was no big secret. The fans knew it, and they ate it up. He grinned, and opened his arms to her. Spinning her around, he gently placed her down on her feet and gestured for a microphone. _

_She looked at him, a question in her eyes. He smiled, before capturing her right hand in his. "This has been a phenomenal evening. A title win, and this beautiful women by my side. Do you all agree?" He asked the crowd, who responded with cheers and catcalls. Torrie blushed as he continued. "Only one thing could make it any better. We all know that Torrie and I have been dating for over a year now. I have just one thing to say. Victoria Anne Wilson .. you complete me .. I love you ." _

_Torrie stared back blankly. She knew how hard it was for him to say those words .. and for him to confess his love for her .. for the first time .. in front of all these people .. _

_Billy froze, the little boy of a year ago rushing back; what if she didn't love him? His eyes met the mat, his wrestling boots suddenly riveting. Before he even realised what was happening, Torrie was kissing him hungrily, running her fingers through his hair. As they came up for air, she touched her nose to his, staring him directly in the eyes. "I love you too."_

_--------------------------------------------------_

"Billy?" She asked softly. Shaking himself out of his stupor he glanced down to see her smile brokenly. "I'm dying, aren't I?"

"What? Torrie, why would you say something like that?" He was openly sobbing now, and she knew that was it.

"Sweetie, you don't need to protect me," She coughed. "We both know I'm not getting any better. I saw you talk to Dr. Norton, and I saw you crying." She summoned what little strength she had left to reach up and caress his cheek. "You don't need to cry for me. I'll always be with you ..."

He shook his head harshly. "Tor, don't say that! Don't talk like you're going to leave me! I can't live without you!" He was bordering on hysterical; his wife was going to die and she was okay with that! He heart broke even at the thought.

"Billy. If it's going to happen, it'll happen. I won't be in any pain anymore. You'll be okay .. you'll move on .. " She was growing weak in his arms. He began to lay her back down, but she protested. "No, I want to be near you. I want to be able to touch you, and smell you..." Her tough facade began to collapse as her tears spilled over her cheeks and pooled on her hospital gown. "Billy ... I'm scared."

"Oh Tor." The single look they shared spoke volumes. She was terrified, and she knew that he felt the same. Together they'd shared this sickness; Billy had held her hand during chemo, and helped her cut her hair before it had all fallen out. He'd sat with her and Taine for hours when she was too tired to move, and held back what little hair she had when her therapy made her sick. Billy had lovingly washed her face, kissed her insecurities away and made her feel like she could be anything. But right now he felt like he was dying inside, the life being sucked out of him.

"I want you to leave," she said quietly. "I don't want you to see this ..." His eyes widened in shock. That wasn't even a possibility.

**We never turn our backs or even bite our tongue...**

"I took a vow, Torrie. I'm not leaving your side no matter what. I only wish it was different .. maybe if you never got into wrestling you wouldn't have taken this path ..." He was rambling, his emotions getting the better of him.

She smiled weakly, losing the will to continue. "Don't you ever regret what we had. Don't forget me, and don't for a second blame yourself for this. I love you with all my heart, and there isn't a thing I would change about our time together. If I had to live this life a million times over I wouldn't change anything. Because you would be with me and that would be all I need ..."

"I love you Victoria Anne Wilson," he sobbed, trying to swallow the lump in his throat. "I will love you until the end of time .. Everyday I will live for you ..."

Time escaped them as they lay there, holding each other ferociously, neither one wanting to let go.

Hours later, a sad little six year old girl bounced through the doors of the Memorial Hospital, eager to see her mummy. She raced up the stairs before her grandmother could stop her, bounding through the doors to her mums room before stopping dead. Daddy was holding mummy in his arms and she was coughing, crying out in pain. Taine Kidman walked slowly over to the bed, knowing that her mummy was going now, and that she wouldn't be able to see her for a long time.

"Hi mummy," she said hopefully, waving a painting in Torrie's direction. "I drew a picture for you to take to the angels."

Billy started to cry as he spoke to his daughter. "Come and give mummy a hug Taine." Taine hesitantly climbed up on the bed, not wanting to hurt mummy anymore. Torrie weakly opened her arms for her baby to snuggle inside.

"Mummy going away now?" Taine asked sadly, not really understanding. Torrie nodded, tears flowing. "I love you mummy."

"I love you too Taine," Torrie spluttered. "Mummy will always be with you ... if you ever need to talk ... or share your secrets ... look inside your heart ... and I'll be there."

"Daddy and I love you forever," the little girl said as she started to cry. Billy smiled through his tears at his baby's innocence.

"Mummy loves you forever too ..."

Torrie's eyes began to close as her mother came in and gently took Taine off the bed and out of the room. Billy gathered Torrie up once again and held her close, smothering her forehead with kisses.

"I love you Billy," she whispered.

"I love you too ..."

**Although we have no obligation to stay alive**

**  
On broken backs we beg for mercy, we will survive**

**  
(Break out) I won't be left here**

**  
Behind closed doors.**


	2. Control

**Summary – **Loosely based upon the song 'Behind Closed Doors' by Rise Against. This story is a collection of one shots showcasing the experiences of the WWE Superstars on the road, backstage and 'behind closed doors'. They're real human beings; this is what they go through.

**Authors notes – **The one shots in this story will be linked together by Shawn Michaels, who is playing narrator basically – Shawn is experiencing an out of body experience of sorts; he can see everything that is going on, yet no one can see him. Everything Shawn says will be in bold, including any lyrics from the song and will be at the beginning of every chapter – flashbacks in italics. Each chapter is titled with an emotion, which will hopefully give you a heads up on what will happen in the chapter.

**Disclaimer - **The scenarios involving the Superstars are entirely fictional and in no way real; they are simply real life situations that the characters have been put in for the purpose of this story. I own nothing, or none of the Superstars in the story. I don't own the song ' Behind Closed Doors', and I don't own Rise Against either

Thanks to all my reviewers for chapter one!; PugNTurtle, Shout Diva, P.Dizzle, MissPhilippinesSuperStar and cenamarialover

Reviews and feedback are welcomed, flames included. Enjoy.

**Control**

"**They are just like you. They feel lonely, they fall in love. They ache for someone to hold in their arms, to snuggle up to when the night is cold and they just want to feel like they're needed. More often than not their private lives become exploited by the media and they become public knowledge .. unfortunately, this is also the thing that can make them fall apart ... don't they have a right to love? To be loved? What happens when the rumors become too much? Randy Orton can tell you ..."**

She rested comfortably against his chest as they watched the sun set below the ocean. He sighed, running his hands through her hair, sitting silently as she nestled against him. They almost hadn't made it this far. These days, it seemed like Randy couldn't scratch himself without his girlfriend being mad at him or accusing him of something. Randy Orton was no saint, he wasn't about to try and convince you that he was. He'd made mistakes. But he was trying to move on. He wanted to settle down, get married, have a kid and move on with his life. His playboy days were over, the game was getting old. He looked down at the beauty in his arms, smiling as she hummed lightly to herself. She was the one, he knew that now. He wanted to tell her, had to make sure she knew. But how could he make her see ?When Randy had suggested this holiday, she'd been hesitant to say the least; Randy was a gorgeous guy, there was no doubting that. But sometimes, his womanizing ways were just too much for her ...

_--------------------------------------------------_

_Resting her head on folded arms she lay on her stomach, flipping mindlessly through the dozens of channels provided by the local cable company at the Hilton Hotel. It was going on midnight, and RAW tapings had finished almost two hours ago. Where was he? She thought to herself. When she'd rung he said he'd be heading straight back to the hotel with John after the show. Well, John had arrived almost an hour ago. His room connected directly with Randy's and he'd been more than happy to let her in while she waited. She was starting to grow angry; sure, she should have told him that she was coming ... but why had he lied to her? She absently twirled a strand of hair around her finger, staring into space. It wasn't supposed to be like this .._

_A head popped through the open door that connected the two rooms. "Yo Ash." Ashley Massaro was off in her own little world. John frowned, before trying again, a little louder this time. "Ashers! Yo Massaro!" He stepped forward to wave a hand in front of her face, trying to get her attention._

_Blinking, she snapped out of her reverie._

"_Huh?" She shook her head, trying to shake off her daydream. "Oh hey John."_

"_That boy of yours not back yet?" he asked, quietly seething as Ashley's eyes fell. Randy was one of his best friends, but Ash was just a kid. In wrestling terms anyway. She was green as hell when it came to the workings of the WWE and Randy Orton. She was in for a shock. Any minute now Randy would stumble through those doors with a couple of ring rats hanging off his arms, blind drunk ..._

_A crash was heard, then the sound of someone banging on the door. Giggles echoed through the hall as John stepped forward and opened the door for Randy and his two floozy's. He gagged as the smell of whiskey drifted into the room, followed by the self-proclaimed_ '_Legend Killer'._

"_John!" Randy crowed, failing to notice his girlfriend lying on the bed. "Check out these girls, they are smoking! I brought one for you, and one for me, man. I claim the blond though," he added as an afterthought. _

_Tears began to well in Ashley's eyes as she quietly slid of the bed. She was shaking, she had to get out of there. The girls had warned her about Orton; a different girl in every town, sometimes two or three. She hadn't wanted to believe it, told herself that it wouldn't happen to them, they were different. She should have known better. John backed up away from Randy, suppressing the urge to hit him, to let loose. For Ashley's sake, and his own._

"_Randy, I love Maria, you know that," The former Champ spoke quietly."Girls, get the hell out of here," he virtually ordered. "Get out now."_

_Randy staggered forward. "Man, no. Let them stay, I don't have to share, they can stay with me." he slurred, almost falling over._

_Ashley saw red. _

"_HE SAID GET OUT!" She screamed at the top of her lungs. Randy stopped dead. Even through his drunken haze he knew that voice belonged to. The colour drained from his face as he turned to face his girlfriend of a year standing beside the bed. The girls ran, knowing that they didn't want to bare witness to what was about to take place. John slipped back into his room, knowing that before the night was over, all would be forgiven and Randy would have charmed Ash back into his good books. It was the same old routine as far as he was concerned. _

"_Ash .." Randy pleaded. "It's not what it looks like ..."_

"_No!" She screamed, picking up a vase from the bedside table and hurling at him. He ducked, the vase hitting the wall behind him and smashing into a million pieces. "You weren't coming back to bed those two girls? What were you going to do, play scrabble?" Her eyes blazed, her face red with fury. The tears were still pooling, but she refused to let him see how he was hurting her._

"_Ashley, baby, I've been drinking, I swear I'm not thinking straight. Those girls are nothing ..."_

"_They're nothing? I suppose I'm nothing too!" She picked up a water jug and tossed that at Randy's head, the jug finding its target. He winced, and stepped toward her slowly._

"_Ashers, you are everything to me .." She turned away, refusing to hear him. I will not fall for this again, she told herself. I cannot._

"_Ash, sweetheart you are my world ... you can't walk away from me .. I couldn't cope ..." Randy was slowly coming down off his buzz. He felt funny inside. He did love Ashley .. deep down, somewhere he had genuine feelings for her. She was the first girl in a long time that he could say that about and truly mean it, he realised. She was different. But try as he might, he couldn't commit. The excitement, the cheap thrill he got chasing skirts ... it was an addiction. He sweet talked them, took them to bed and then left before they woke. He felt dirty afterwards, but he couldn't help it ... it was like a drug, and he was forever needing a hit._

_She turned back towards him, forlornly. "Why should I stay?"_

_--------------------------------------------------_

He felt her tense up in his arms. "Ash? What's wrong baby?"

She shrugged, trying to shelf the uneasiness she was feeling. "Randy, can I ask you a question?"

His brow furrowed in a knot. This doesn't sound good. "Sure babe. What do you wanna know?"

Ashley turned to face him, a distant look in her eyes. He was a good guy most of the time. He looked after when she was sick, looked out for her on the road ... she loved him, she knew that. As much as it hurt her to admit it, she had fallen for the cocky Superstar. But could she trust him?

"Do you love me?" she asked bluntly. "I need to know. Do you really love me?"

Randy was reeling. Why would she say such a thing? Of course he loved her! He hadn't been too sure of that so long ago, but if you asked him now, he'd tell you that Ash was the central part of his life. He felt a pang of sorrow in his heart. She didn't know? "Ashley, baby, of course I love you! With every fiber of my being! You're my life sweetheart, I've think I've loved you since that night in Montreal when you stood in that ring, tears streaming down your face because you were so happy!"

"You mean the night I won the Diva Search?" she asked bluntly, averting her eyes.

"Well, yeah." Randy answered slowly, a little confused. What was so wrong with that?

"So do you love me for me, or did you decide you wanted me because you I had pretty much been named the 'next best thing' on RAW?"

"What?" By now, Randy was more puzzled than ever. "Ash, I loved you because you were you! I still love you for that very same reason! Do you remember our first date?"

"_I want to stay here forever, here with you in my arms," Randy told Ashley honestly. They were standing outside their hotel, watching the bright lights of the Big Apple as they twinkled against a black backdrop of night sky._

_Ashley stared into his eyes, in that moment believing him. She didn't want to leave either. They had had a wonderful evening. Randy had taken her to dinner, then they had walked through Central Park, his arm wrapped tightly around her shoulders as she shivered in the winter chill. He had been the perfect gentleman. He'd pulled out her chair for her, opened every door, asked if he could hold her hand, and not just taken it. She was going to have to tell the other Divas tomorrow that they were wrong, terribly wrong. Randy was the perfect gentleman. "I have to go upstairs," she whispered. "It's late and we have an early flight."_

"_Don't leave."_

_She giggled which was extremely unusual for her. "Randy! I really have to go, Trish will be waiting for me."_

"_Oh fine, fine," he sighed dramatically. "Pick Trish over me! Oh, I feel so wounded," he joked, holding a hand to his heart._

_Swatting his arm, she kissed him gently on the cheek. "I'm sure you'll survive, Mr 'Legend Killer'. I'll see you in the morning." Untangling herself from his arms, she turned to go. Suddenly, he grabbed her and caught her hand in his. Pressing it over his heart with his, he whispered to her._

"_This is where you'll be til then. In my heart Ash. Forever in my heart."_

_She had virtually floated upstairs, gushing to Trish and the girls about her date. They had been happy for her, but they warned her to be careful. She waved off their concerns, Randy only wanted her, he'd virtually said so himself. The next morning, she was up early, to excited to sleep in. She ran down the hall to his hotel room, about to knock when she heard him speaking, obviously on the phone._

"_Oh I promise you, it'll be worth the wait. Cassie, you better be waiting up for me when I arrive, it's been so long ..." He laughed, and Ashley blinked in disbelief. What was she hearing? "Oh her? No, that's just for the show Cassie, I promise you baby. She doesn't mean a thing ... Okay, I'll see you soon. Yes, I know. Love you too."_

_Blinking back tears she'd run back to Trish. Trish sighed loudly, but opened her arms to her friend. This wasn't the first time she'd seen this happen, and for Ashley it wouldn't be the last._

_Later that morning he'd shown up, and suddenly everything was perfect again. She forgave him, and they went on their way. She was blind at the time, she had to have been. That was just over two years ago ... two years full of little indiscretions on Randy's part, two years of her taking him back because she loved him, wanted to believe that he was the one for her._

"Randy, of course I remember our first date."

"Do you remember what I told you?" She frowned before shaking her head no. She had to admit that of all the things she could recall about it, the positives weren't the things that stood out in her mind. A cool island breeze swept across the beach, and suddenly she remembered.

"_This is where you'll be til then. In my heart Ash. Forever in my heart."_

"What are you trying to say Randy?" she asked slowly.

"Ash, I want ... I want .. I want to spend the rest of my life with you in my arms. I don't ever want to have to look at you in the arms of another man, see you cry over anyone. I want to marry you. I want you to be with me. Forever."

A mixture of emotions ran though her. Pride, and happiness. Love, and excitement. Confusion, and hurt. Then, common sense prevailed. Memories of all the times she'd cried over him in the past came flooding back as she spat out caustically, "Oh, you just want me to cry over you, is that it?"

**Stumbling on stones unturned**

Randy looked at her, watching as she scrambled away from him. He grabbed her arm. "Where are you going?"

"Don't touch me ORTON!" She barked, yanking her arm away from him."What's the big idea? You're telling me you don't want me to cry anymore? How about the time you brought those girls back to our room? What about at Wrestlemania 22 when I saw you, girls draped all over you while I was at home injured? What about Cassie?" She cried indignantly, the hurt in her eyes burning into his soul. She could see this was hurting him yet she just didn't care.

"Cassie? Cassie was years ago, she means nothing!" Randy's mobile choose that moment to ring, disrupting their argument. Warily, he answered. "Hello? I can't talk right now Stace. Can I ring you back?" Ashley stomped over to him, grabbing the phone.

"Hi, Stacey?" She said sweetly, as if nothing was wrong."Don't worry, you just keep on talking to little ol' Randy, he's about to have plenty of spare time on his hands." Listening for a second, she shoved the phone back at the former World Heavyweight Champion. "She wants to talk to you."

**The hurt we feel, we all have found**

Randy dropped the phone as if he'd been burned by it's touch. He hurriedly knelt to pick it up, hanging up on Stacey and shoving the phone into his pants pocket. "I don't want to talk to Stacey I want to talk to you!" he cried, chasing her across the sand. "I haven't been with anyone but you for months! I want to settle down with you, I swear on my life that I'm telling you the truth! Those days are over!"

Just when it seemed like things couldn't get any worse, the pair caught the attention of a camera crew filming a local surfing competition. Unbeknown to the couple, their fight was being broadcast to three television networks simultaneously, all in separate parts of the world.

"I don't care Randy! It's too late! You've had more than enough chances, I can't deal with you anymore! You can take any chance of marriage with me and shove it!" She yelled. Randy's phone rang again, and he tried to ignore it, but it just wouldn't shut up. Ashley turned to face him as he answered it, tears running down her face.

"What do you want?" He growled into the phone, before a look of surprise covered his face. "Cassie? What do you mean? I never said a thing about you!" he blurted. "Television? When? Now?" Looking up, he stormed over to the camera crew. "Do you mind?" he seethed. "Turn the damn cameras off!"

Ashley almost laughed. Sure, now people all over the world would think she was a total mess, but at least they would see what a creep Randy Orton was. Marching over to the camera, she grabbed a microphone and announced loudly. "Actually, keep them on! I'm about to do something monumental, something I should have done a long time ago!" She turned to Randy, ignoring the extreme look of hurt in his eyes and the pain in his face.

"Randy. I have nothing more to say to you. Sure, on your day you can be a great guy. You're sexy, you're funny and you're great to be around. But you're a jerk, a lying backstabber and a cheater. You make me sick. I can't wait until I get far far away from you so I never have to see you again."

"Ashley .." he tried vainly to interrupt her, but she just kept going.

"I thought I loved you. I did love you. But my mistake was in thinking that you fully returned that love. Give it up Randy. No one likes a womanizer."

He finally found his voice. "That's not true Ash. I love you more than I love life itself. More than I love getting in that ring, more than I love anything. I want you to come back to me, I want to get married, I want to spend the rest of my life beside you." He was pleading now, his voice failing to conceal his emotion.

She shook her head sadly. "You can't control me any longer Randy. You had your chance."

He laughed bitterly. The cameras were still rolling he noticed. He had to do some damage control, he realised, had to save some face. It was time to unleash the 'Legend Killer', so to speak; the outspoken character he portrayed in the ring. "Whatever, Ashley. You were begging for it," he said coldly, his cockiness returning.

"At one time, maybe." She looked him clear in the eyes, mentally expelling any thoughts she was having of how great he looked, how cute his smile was. "That was before I realised that a relationship with Randy Orton isn't just about Randy Orton. It's about the different girls in every town, the skirt chasing, even trying to get your best friend to cheat on his girl. So, all I can say now is goodbye Randy. It's over."

He flinched in amazement. She was dumping him? What? No one ever dumped Randy Orton! He quickly regained his composure. "You wouldn't," he challenged. "No one has ever dumped me, I'm the Legend Killer! Girls fawn over me, they worship me! The stats read – girls dumped by Randy: roughly around 200. Girls that have dumped Randy: zero." He eyeballed her, daring her to dispute what he had just said.

She smiled sadly, then turned away. Walking off, she called out to him over her shoulder. "Hey Randy?"

He met his gaze. "What?"

" If no one's ever dumped you before, I guess you better call the Guinness Book of Records."

"And why is that?"

"Because I just set a new one."

**Although we have no obligation to stay alive  
On broken backs we beg for mercy, we will survive  
(Break out) I won't be left here  
Behind closed doors.  
**


	3. Excitement

**Summary – **Loosely based upon the song 'Behind Closed Doors' by Rise Against. This story is a collection of one shots showcasing the experiences of the WWE Superstars on the road, backstage and 'behind closed doors'. They're real human beings; this is what they go through.

**Authors notes – **The one shots in this story will be linked together by Shawn Michaels, who is playing narrator basically – Shawn is experiencing an out of body experience of sorts; he can see everything that is going on, yet no one can see him. Everything Shawn says will be in bold, including any lyrics from the song and will be at the beginning of every chapter – flashbacks in italics. Each chapter is titled with an emotion, which will hopefully give you a heads up on what will happen in the chapter.

**Disclaimer - **The scenarios involving the Superstars are entirely fictional and in no way real; they are simply real life situations that the characters have been put in for the purpose of this story. I own nothing, or none of the Superstars in the story. I don't own the song ' Behind Closed Doors', and I don't own Rise Against either

Thanks to all my reviewers for chapter two; Shout Diva, MissPhilippinesSuperStar, HuntersAngelJacky, and cenamarialover. This chapter was going to go up later but I figured it's Lilian's birthday in two days so I reshuffled. Happy Birthday to Lilian Garcia!

Reviews and feedback are welcomed, flames included. Enjoy.

**Excitement**

**They have success outside the ring too. Many of them model, appear in television ads, some even in movies. Some of them sing, some write, some work the financial market and no matter what they still manage to wow audiences everywhere. They're always in the limelight it seems. Yet all they want sometimes is to be noticed. Not for their accolades, nor their talent. Just for who they are. When they find that special person, they'll do anything to hold on to them. But as Lilian Garcia will tell you, to hold onto them, you have to actually GET them first ...**

"Lilly!"

Lilian Garcia sighed. What now? As much as she loved her friend, there were times when he could be annoying as hell. Clearing her throat, she coughed slightly and headed into the room adjacent. "What's wrong?" she asked, before collapsing in hysterics at the sight before her. "Babe, what are you doing!"

"I'm .. I'm trying to .. OOFF!"

Lying before her was one Rob Van Dam. One pants leg on, two shoes; albeit, one black one and one white one, and a tie which at one stage had been knotted properly. Now, the tie was tied around his head and he looked like a ninja. The black dress pants he was struggling to put on were wrinkled and she had no idea where his dress shirt had gone.

"Rob," she said sternly, trying not to laugh. "We have to ready in half an hour! Your hair is a mess and now I have to iron your pants again! What on earth are you playing at?" she asked, breaking into giggles once more.

He smiled bashfully, his face a bright shade of red. "Well, see, I was in here, getting dressed like you said. I was almost ready to go and then ... then I ..." he fell silent, trying to think of a plausible explanation. "I was attacked!" He blurted out suddenly.

"Really?" Lilian deadpanned.

"Ah .. yeah! I was attacked! They came in through the window!" He nodded his head, smiling to himself. Good work dude, he thought to himself. She has gotta believe that.

"Okay, so," Lilian frowned a little. He was so full of crap at times, she thought to herself, laughing inwardly."You're telling me, that while I was a mere ten feet away in the next room, someone climbed in through the window, undid your tie and wrapped it around your head. Then, they took your shirt, and took one of your legs out of your dress pants. Meanwhile, the whole time this was happening, I was next door and you didn't cry out for help or anything," she finished, deciding to play along for now.

"Well ... they were really quiet ... and I was ... um ... in shock? Yeah, I was in shock!" He enthused.

"And how did they climb up seventeen stories to jump in your window? And who exactly is 'they'?" she smirked.

"It was ... Spiderman?" Rob put on his best puppy dog eyes and glanced up hopefully at his best friend. "No? ... spider monkeys then!"

Lilian couldn't take it any longer. "Rob," she laughed, "You're so full of it! C'mon, get up, you're going to make us both late!"

Still lying on the floor, he grinned at her. "Make me."

"Rob," she protested. "I don't have time for this!"

"Oh sure you do." Seeing the frustration in her eyes, Rob chuckled softly. "Fine, fine I'm getting up. Can you give me a hand?" Sighing heavily, Lilian reached out a hand, screaming out in surprise as Rob pulled her down on top of him.

"Rob Van Dam! What was that for!" She had landed directly on top of him, their faces inches apart. Oh no, she fretted. This was a dangerous position to be in with anyone. It was worse when you feelings for them. And it was about a million times worse when they didn't know about it ...

"Can't I spend some time with my best friend?" He joked, brushing a piece of hair out of her eyes. God, she was beautiful. Her smile, the way she laughed ... just everything.

"No!" she shot back. "Not when we have to be at the Hall of Fame Ceremony in an hour! Victoria and Chris are going to be here any minute!We're going to be late!"

"Hey, Lilly, chill," he said softly."We'll have plenty of time." She looked even sexier when she was angry. The blond Latina definitely had some hot Mexican blood running through her. Her eyes were wild; usually cool and calm they were now fiery, a passionate out burst was building up inside her, he could tell.

"We have to be ready!" She replied vehemently. "Rob, let me up."

"Not until you calm down." He counted.

Her eyes met his, pleading with him to listen to her, just this once. This was a big weekend for her, and she wanted everything to be perfect. It was the first time she was allowed to announce Wrestlemania, and she was thrilled. All of her hard work was paying off, and she got to sing tonight at the ceremony. Life was good. "Robbie ... "

He grabbed her wrist lightly, pulling her closer. She was so close he could feel her cool breath tickle his nose, the wayward piece of hair he'd moved just moments earlier falling back in front of her eyes once more. Smiling, he tucked it back behind her ear. Lilian could feel his chest moving up and down with every breath, the force of the movement causing her to rock up and down simultaneously, his body controlling both their actions. A nervousness was beginning to build up inside of the RAW Diva, and she didn't know where it was coming from. It was like a million butterflies were fluttering their wings and they were ready to take flight. She stared into his eyes, the clear pools reflecting her anxiety. So he felt it too, she figured. But what was it?

Rob lifted his head slightly, moving his lips closer to hers. I have to do it, he decided. I have to tell her how I feel. Sighing contentedly, Lilian brought her face down to meet his. They were about to touch, a longing inside Lilian making her squirm with desire. Oh my god, she realised excitedly. I have waited so long for this. I'm about to kiss him! She closed her eyes, and felt a slight tingle as his lips drew nearer.

**It's in the smiles we cast each other ..**

Suddenly, they were interrupted by a loud banging on the door. Rob cursed softly, mentally slapping himself for taking so long. "Um .. I should get that," Lilian whispered shyly. Standing, she offered him a hand, which he gladly accepted. He brushed himself off and pulled his pants on properly while Lilian hurried to answer the door in her room.

"Okay, okay, I'm coming!" she called, a little upset. She had really wanted him to kiss her. Flinging the door open, she plastered a wide smile on her face. "Chris! Vicky! Hey guys!" She wrapped her arms around Victoria, giving her a huge hug.

"How are you Lil?" Vicky asked happily. "Are you nervous?"

A feeling of sadness washed over Lilian as she remembered the feeling of nervousness that had sat in the pit of her stomach moments before. C'mon Garcia, she scolded herself. Pull it together. "Um, I'm not really nervous! Kind of excited."

Chris Benoit carefully regarded his friend. Something was bothering her, he could tell. He cleared his throat. "Hey Vicky, can you run downstairs and tell the driver we might be a while?"

His girlfriend looked at him blankly. "Um, okay?"

"Lilly isn't dressed yet." He pointed out tactfully. Lilian blushed as they both looked at her once more. She was wearing an old 'One of a Kind' RVD shirt and a pair of boxer shorts. Light dawned in Vicky's eyes.

"Sure," she replied, turning to exit. "I'll be right back. Do you need me to help you with your dress Lilly?"

Lilian nodded gratefully. "That'd be nice, thanks." They watched as the raven haired Diva disappeared down the stairs. "You want to come in?" she asked Chris, realising he was still standing in the doorway.

Nodding, he stepped though the door, closing it behind him. "Just leave me in the cold!" He teased her playfully. "What a way to treat your best friend!"

"Rob's my best friend," she retorted indignantly, tossing her hair over her shoulder.

"Ouch," The Rabid Wolverine joked. "That hurt."

"Joking," she smiled, opening her arms for a hug. "I can never have too many, and you know that you're on top of the list."

"Good to know," Chris noted, enveloping her in his arms and dropping a kiss on her cheek. "Now what has got you so down Miss Garcia?"

"How'd you know?" she asked a little surprised."You have been here all of five minutes and you know something is wrong."

"I can read you Lilian, you know that," he said quietly, releasing her from his embrace.

"You haven't, by any chance, broken into any hotel rooms wearing a Spiderman costume recently, have you?" she laughed, raising an eyebrow in his direction

"No, can't say I have actually," he laughed. "Why do you ask?" He followed Lilian as she beckoned him into her room, closing the door behind them.

"We almost kissed." She informed him pointedly. "Almost."

Benoit winced. "We interrupted, didn't we? Shit, Li-Li I'm sorry."

"Nah, it's okay," she said, waving off his apology. "You didn't know."

She was about to say something else when Rob burst into the room. "Lilly, can you help me fix my tie?" He was actually dressed this time, looking quite dapper in his suit. He had opted for a plain black suit, a red handkerchief in his pocket to match Lilian's gown. Lilian smiled, and moved over to him.

"When will you learn to dress yourself Rob?"

"The day that you're actually running on time Li-Li," Chris broke in. "Rob is never ready and you're never on time, it's like you're a perfect match."

Rob finally looked up, acknowledging their guest. "Oh hey Chris," he said easily. "Didn't see you there." Chris simply nodded, his eyes saying more than words ever could. He was fiercely protective of Lil and while he liked Rob Lillian's feelings came first.

A voice was heard from the entrance. "Hello? Guys?"

"In here, Vicky," Lilian called out, shooting a glance in Chris's direction. Don't, her eyes said. Don't even think about it Chris.

"Oh Lilian!" Victoria said in dismay. "You're not even dressed!" She ushered the boys out the door. "Out, out, out! We've gotta get ready!"

Victoria turned her attention to her friend. "Now, what are we going to do with you!" Lilian smiled weakly. It was going to be quite the night.

Tears of pride gathered in Rob's eyes as Lilian held the final notes of America the Beautiful. Was there anything that girl couldn't do? Right now, he wanted nothing better than to run out onto the stage and wrap her up in his arms, telling the world how he loved Lilian, his Lilian. But how could he tell them when he couldn't admit it to her, to himself? He stood at the side of the stage as she walked off, a little emotional herself. It was always an honor to sing for the fans, but tonight was something else.

"Hey sweets," Rob said softly. "That was phenomenal.".

"Oh it was okay," she said softly."No better than usual."

Rob frowned. She had to be kidding. "Lilian Garcia, take that back! Don't put yourself down like that." Closing the space between them, he placed a hand on her arm, drawing her closer. How could he tell her how brilliant she was without coming off sounding like he was in love with her? He was, in love with her that is, but he just couldn't tell her. "Lilly ..."

Unconsciously, she moved toward him. He wanted to tell her something, obviously. A gasp became caught in her throat, and she made a weird gargling noise. Was he about to say what she wanted to hear, had wanted to hear for so long? "Yeah?"

_She remembered the first time he'd come to see her sing. He'd be transfixed as she moved across the stage, drowning in the sweet sound. She had been nervous; that was new for her, she loved performing, the larger the crowd the better. She was never nervous, so why tonight?_

_She had opened her mouth ... nothing. _

_Painstakingly, she had searched every face in the crowd for his, the face she knew as well as her own, if not better. The rugged good looks, the smile that could light up a room. Drawing her strength from his presence, she started again, the words flowing until there were none left. _

_She gave it her all, and that night she gave everything in her; emotionally and spiritually, to him._

_-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"Are you okay?" he asked worriedly. All of a sudden she looked a little faint ...

Oh my god just say it! A little voice in her head screamed. "I'm fine," she reassured him. "What were you going to say?"

He opened his mouth to speak, but the words were gone. "I .. you ... you look gorgeous tonight Lilly. Absolutely stunning." Dammit! I am such a wimp, he moaned. He lifted his head, staring her directly in the eyes. How could he be afraid when he looked at her? All of the tension in the air dissipated, and he began again. "I need to tell you .."

"Lilian!" A very pregnant Stephanie McMahon hurtled around the corner. "That was fantastic," the billion dollar princess gushed. "Just perfect! We can't wait until tomorrow to see you at Wrestlemania, and neither can the press! Come with me, the cameras are waiting!" Before the pair knew what was happening, Stephanie had grabbed Lilian by the arm and whisked her away down the corridor.

Shooting her friend a look of apology, she hurried alongside Steph. For someone who was expecting, she could really move. "I'll be back soon, Rob. I promise."

"I'll be waiting."

"_Ssssh Lilly, don't cry," he soothed, rubbing her back gently in a circular motion. "Hey now, dry those tears. You're going to drown me in them soon," he joked._

_She looked up at him fearfully, eyes brimming with tears. "Why do I always attract all the jerks?" she moaned. "I have the worst luck ..."_

"_Oh, so I'm a jerk now," Rob said quietly. "You wound me with your words, sweet thing." He drew back and placed a hand over his heart, pretending to fall backwards. C'mon, smile for me, he pleaded silently. Let me know you're okay._

_She offered small smile though her tears. "Present company excluded. And Chris," she added as an afterthought. "Rob, why do guys always treat me so badly? Am I that undesirable?"_

_His heart broke hearing her words. "No Lilly. Its just, most guys are pigs. And they don't realise what they've got til it's gone. There is nothing wrong with you. The only thing wrong is THEM."_

"_Would you go out with me?"_

"_What?" He asked incredulously. Had he heard that correctly? Man, he'd date her in a heartbeat. "Of course I would, I'd be crazy not too."_

"_In ten years," she declared. "If neither one of us is in a relationship, we're getting married. I can't_

_imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone else." Before he could formulate an actual response, she had fallen asleep in his lap. _

"_Oh god Lilly. I'll be waiting. _

Wrestlemania. The grandest stage of them all. Lilian watched on in amazement as Rob fought against both Shelton Benjamin and Matt Hardy on top of a ladder. Knocking Hardy to the ground, he tentatively stepped over to Shelton's ladder and continued to lay in to him. Before they could do anything, their ladder slipped and they both flew over the top rope on to the hard unforgiving surface below. Lilian covered her eyes, refusing to look as the brawling continued. Peeking between her fingers, a smile spread across her face as Rob Van Dam grabbed the Money in the Bank Briefcase and fell to the mat. She could barely contain her excitement as Rob slipped around the ring, struggling to keep his hold on the case.

"And the winner of this bout, the new, "Mr Money in the Bank', Rob Van Dammmm!" She proclaimed into her microphone. Giddy laughter escaped her as Rob celebrated in the ring. He felt her gaze upon him, and hopping down from the turnbuckle, stepped out of the ring and offered her a hand. Leading her up the steel steps, he opened the ropes for her and gestured for her to slip inside. Shyly, she did so, not understanding what was going on.

"Rob..."

He accompanied her to the middle of the ring. "Lilian, just trust me. You have to do what I tell you okay? Follow my instructions completely." Uncertain, she nodded. "You'll be fine," he assured her.

"Wrap your arms around my neck."

"Eeew, Rob, you're all sweaty," she laughed, crinkling up her nose.

"Garcia," he replied aghast. "Just work with me." She complied, and he continued. Resting his hands on her hips he smiled lightly. "Now close your eyes, and listen."

She closed her eyes, and waited.

"I like you. No, I love you. I think I have since the first time I saw you. There is nothing I can do about it, my heart is telling me that you're the one." His voice had dropped a notch, and she struggled to hear him over the roar of the Wrestlemania crowd.

"What?" she asked in confusion.

"I love you, Lillian Garcia. Now, shut up and kiss me."

**Although we have no obligation to stay alive  
On broken backs we beg for mercy, we will survive  
(Break out) I won't be left here  
Behind closed doors.  
**


	4. Confusion

**Summary – **Loosely based upon the song 'Behind Closed Doors' by Rise Against. This story is a collection of one shots showcasing the experiences of the WWE Superstars on the road, backstage and 'behind closed doors'. They're real human beings; this is what they go through.

**Authors notes – **The one shots in this story will be linked together by Shawn Michaels, who is playing narrator basically – Shawn is experiencing an out of body experience of sorts; he can see everything that is going on, yet no one can see him. Everything Shawn says will be in bold, including any lyrics from the song and will be at the beginning of every chapter – flashbacks in italics. Each chapter is titled with an emotion, which will hopefully give you a heads up on what will happen in the chapter.

**Disclaimer - **The scenarios involving the Superstars are entirely fictional and in no way real; they are simply real life situations that the characters have been put in for the purpose of this story. I own nothing, or none of the Superstars in the story. I don't own the song ' Behind Closed Doors',

Thanks to all my reviewers for chapter three: Shout Diva; who totally made my day, PugNTurtle; who makes me want to keep going, LULUCENA7 who always makes me feel bad if I don't update lol .. MissPhilippinesSuperStar who is just so sweet and HuntersAngelJacky who makes me smile

Reviews and feedback are welcomed, flames included. Sorry about the delay for this chapter, as some of you would know I've been in hospital with blood poisoning and I've only had the energy to review. This isn't my best, but I feel bad. Enjoy.

**----------------------------------------------------------**

**Confusion ..**

**They wrestle for their fans. For the adrenalin rush they get by stepping through those ropes. For the few minutes they are in the ring, they own you. It's their job to keep you watching, and to tell you a story, not just with words but with their actions. Great wrestlers do it for years on end, writing and re-writing record books. But what if you've done all there is to do? What if you've accomplished everything that you can in the squared circle? Is there life beyond the mat? Trish Stratus wants to know ..**

**----------------------------------------------------------**

"That was for Carlito!" Trish screamed feverishly.

"You hit me!" Randy glowered in disbelief. "You BITCH! You actually hit me!" They were standing on the apron during their intergender tag team match on Monday night RAW, and Trish's temper was at boiling point.

"I'll take that as an invitation to smack the taste out of your mouth any day Whoreton!"

"Stratus! Get your butt back here and make a tag!" Cena hollered from the opposite corner. Carlito was leaning up against the ring steps, breathing in heavily. His ribs ached, his vision was blurry and he didn't know if he could continue. Trish glanced over her shoulder and swore. Elbowing Lita once more for good measure, Trish flew across the ring and tagged John in, much to the approval of the Alberta crowd. As John went toe to toe with the Rated 'R' Superstar, she dropped down to the floor.

"Carlito, you okay?" She gently stroked his face, causing his breathing to slow slightly. With glazed eyes he nodded, and the former Women's Champion dropped a chaste kiss on his cheek before hauling him to a standing position.

"What is Carlito going to do when you leave?" He wheezed. "Who will have Carlito's back then?"

Wincing, she pulled her hand back as if she'd been burned. The hurt in his eyes was unmistakable.

"Lito ..."

"Go," he coughed shortly. "John might need you." Hurt, but knowing now that he was okay, she jumped up on the apron and was immediately thrown back into the thick of the action. Moments later, she was RKO'd for her trouble, and the match was lost.

"See you at Unforgiven."Lita laughed. Sliding out of the ring with her partners Edge and Randy, the trio celebrated on their way up the ramp, leaving a still Trish in the ring. Jeers reverberated around the arena, directed at Edge and Lita, as Carlito struggled up the stairs and crawled across the mat.

"Trish?" She could feel his hot breath tickle her face. She wanted to open her eyes, her mouth, say something, but she was so shocked by what had happened that she didn't dare move. Carlito was growing concerned. The arena was spinning before his eyes following a nasty blow to the head, but his wellbeing came second to his girlfriends right now. Trish seemed to be breathing, but she wasn't responding. "Trisha? Trish, can you hear Carlito?"

Trish heard him, loud and clear. Yet something was pulling her away ..

**----------------------------------------------------------**

"_Stop!" She giggled. "Carlito, put me down!"_

_He smirked, knowing how hard it was to make her laugh these days. The sound of giggles bursting from her mouth made him smile widely. She could have chosen anyone, had anyone she desired, but she was here with him. He couldn't understand it personally; men had been after the beautiful Diva for years, and now he was the holding her in his arms. He was nothing special; yet Trish Stratus was dating him .. him! But why? "Can't"_

"_Oh and why not?" Trish asked, hands on hips, even with Carlito having her slung over his shoulder. A wave of sadness washed over her. If she left at Unforgiven .. where would that leave her and Carlito? No one had ever made her feel so .. secure? Wanted? Loved? "I'm getting dizzy .. I might throw up on you," she warned._

_Carlito stopped suddenly and planted Trish on the ground, still keeping her wrapped in his arms. "Okay, even Carlito knows that would not be cool."_

_Her voice dropped, acknowledging the intimacy of the situation. "Tell me, what would Carlito find cool?" She gently splayed her fingernails over his arm as he unconsciously pulled her closer. They were in his locker room, ready to go out for their match, and things between them were beginning to get .. well .. interesting._

_He swallowed, feeling her closeness. "Ah .. Carlito thinks apples are cool .." he stammered. "What about you, Trish?" Standing on tip toe she leaned up to whisper something in his ear. "Oh. Wow. Carlito hears you, that is cool..."_

**----------------------------------------------------------**

"Carlito?" The sound of Lilian Garcia's anxious voice broke Trish from her reverie. She realised she was still at the arena, in the middle of the ring no less, and Carlito was probably freaking out. "Do we need to call the EMT's? Is she okay?"

Caribbean Cool looked down at the Diva lying before him. He didn't want to move her, though he longed to hold her in his arms. He was about to answer Lilian when John came to stand over him. "Man, she alright?"

"Carlito doesn't know," he almost whispered. Brushing a piece of hair behind her hair he began murmuring to her, hoping she could hear him. At his touch, she began to stir. "Trish?"

"Hey," she smirked, opening one eye. At cute as he was when he was scared, she figured it was time to put him out of his misery. "What's all the fuss about?" Lilian and John both cracked a grin as Carlito lifted Trish into his lap, threw his arms around her and kissed her with all he had. Trish was fine, obviously. But she'd never turn down a chance to play her friends. "Woah .." came her dazed response. "Maybe I should get RKO'd more often."

"Oh no," Carlito objected, wagging a finger in her direction. "That does not sound cool."

"Why?" Trish asked demurely, batting her lashes. Feverishly trying to force down the thoughts of leaving that currently pre-occupied her, she smirked coyley. "Was Carlito scared?"

John groaned. "Oh please, not here you two. Get a room."

Carlito lifted Trish in his arms as he stood. "Can you walk?" Gingerly, he placed her feet on the mat; the shifting of her weight was automatically followed by a grimace of pain. "Carlito will carry you."

"No, Carlito, will not carry me," she pouted. "You and John will help me backstage, I am not being carried in front of my fans."

"Yeah," John noted sarcastically. "Cause they just came to see you and only you is all." He yelped as Trish sucker punched him in the arm. "Okay, okay! I'm helping!"

Supported by her partners, a defiant Trish hobbled up the ramp and backstage to the Gorilla. Her ankle hurt, but not too badly. What she really needed was to talk to someone and attempt to fix the mess that was rolling around in her head. "Lito?"

Carlito turned to his girlfriend. "Could you please go and grab a trainer for me?' He frowned slightly; okay, she could have asked John to go .. why had she asked him? Hurriedly, Trish covered herself. "I need to talk to John for a second."

"Uh .. okay?" Carlito nodded, some what confused. Trish turned her cheek to him and he kissed it, wondering what that was all about before hurrying away. Inwardly, her heart was slowly breaking. They needed to talk about her retirement. Carlito deserved to know her decision before anyone else, she knew that, but it was just so difficult! She didn't want to go, but she knew in her heart it was time; on the flip side, she didn't want to hurt her boyfriend either. Seeing conflicting emotions dance across his friends face, John raised an eyebrow at Trish before clearing his throat.

"Stalling with him will get you nowhere Stratus .."

"I know!" She cried throwing her hands up in defeat."I have to talk to him, make a decision. But what? And how?" Slumping back against a crate her eyes flooded with tears and her bottom lip began to quiver. "I don't want to hurt him..."

**Bonfires burn like beacons ..**

"And you won't," John assured her, lifting her chin. "You will figure this out .." Her eyes sought the floor as he gathered her towards him. "If you feel retirement is best, then .."

"I've worked hard, the last decade of my life has been lived on the road." She muttered. "Traveling, being away from home and just working .. right now I need a little me time."

**Guiding the lost and weakened ..**

"What's going on here?" Carlito asked angrily. He'd rushed around the corner to tell Trish that the trainer was expecting them only to find her in the arms of John Cena. Her back was facing him, John's chin resting on her head as he cradled her tightly.

Trish withdrew from John's arms to turn, and Carlito mentally kicked himself for his harsh words. Her eyes were rimmed red, her make up was running and her hair was askew. Painstakingly, he took in her appearance, and immediately moved closer, hoping to comfort her.

"Trish was just telling me about how she needed to talk to you," John intercepted smoothly. He glanced down at his friend, separating himself from the situation. "Are you going to be okay from here?"

Watery eyes and a grateful smile met his concerned eyes. "Yeah. Thanks John. We'll be okay."

The former WWE Champion nodded firmly and moved over to Carlito, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Don't stuff this up," he muttered. "She needs you."

No words were needed as John disappeared unnoticed. Carlito simply opened his arms, and seconds later they were full of blonde bombshell. Trish's body shook from her sobs, yet he just held her, stroking her hair, before picking her up and carrying her to their locker room. Kicking the door closed behind them, he moved to set her down, but she refused to pry herself free of his embrace.

"Lito, just hold me .." Trish almost commanded, voice still at a whisper. He obliged, sitting down carefully and rubbing her back. They sat in silence for what seemed like forever to the former Intercontinental Champion before he hesitantly began to speak.

"So .. you needed to talk to Carlito?" He asked quietly. She nodded slowly, eyes squeezed shut tightly. Her entire body was still racked with sobs and she could barely choke out a response.

"I .. Lito .. I don't .."

"Hey now, sssh Trisha it's okay," he soothed. "Carlito is here." He lifted her chin and stared into her eyes. "Is this about you leaving?" She turned her head, and he knew in an instant he was right. "Trisha .."

She turned toward him with hope in her eyes as his voice faded. If anyone could solve her problem it was Carlito.

"Carlito doesn't want you to leave," he finished awkardly. "But .. if you want to leave wrestling, and leave Carlito, then that is your choice. Carlito cannot change that."

Trish lifted her head as she processed his words, breathing a sigh of relief. He was okay with her leaving .. then it dawned on her. He thought she was leaving him as well? She was going to stop wrestling, yeah. Leave Carlito? What on earth had made him think that leaving wrestling meant leaving him .. The thought had never even crossed her mind. "You would be okay with me leaving wrestling?"

Looking in her eyes, her tearstained cheeks, he knew what he had to say. "Well .. no .. but if that's what you want, then Carlito thinks you should follow what your heart is telling you."

Smirking slightly, she pressed on. It was cruel, she knew, but there was just something so adorable about him when he was upset. "And me leaving you, you would be okay with that?"

**----------------------------------------------------------**

"_Carlito is sick," he moaned. "You can't leave."_

"_I have to go Lito," she whispered, sliding out from behind him. They'd been spooning on their bed, but while he had the night off, she had a house show to attend. "I asked Steph for an early match, I'll be back soon, I promise." Placing a hand to his forehead she frowned. "You're burning up .. I'm going to call a doctor .."_

_Carlito groaned. "Carlito hates doctors." _

_"Yes, but I hate you being sick," Trish finished, frowning again. "I don't want you to think I want to leave you here Lito. I want nothing now than to be able to stay here and look after you. That being said, you need to see a doctor."_

_"Carlito will see a doctor," Carlito tried to bargin. "If Trish promises, that she will never leave."_

_"Never leave?" She asked, confused. "I have to leave, I have to go to work ..."_

_Wearily, he sat up, causing her to rush towards him, kneeling in front of him as he swung his legs over the side of the bed. "Not work," he coughed. "Carlito doesn't want you to leave. Ever."_

_She still didn't understand, he realised. "What, are you going to take me hostage and lock me in your basement now?"She joked. He shook his head, meeting his eyes with hers. She tried to look away, but she was caught by the intensity of his gaze. He began to speak softly, rubbing her small hands in his before enveloping them in his own._

_"Carlito loves you." He blurted out, face flushing red. Trish looked a little shocked by his sudden declaration, but she remained silent and waited for him to continue. He took a deep breath, and tried again. "And not, not in a friendly way, although Carlito thinks we're great friends. Carlito loves you. Very, very simple, very truly. You are the epitome of everything Carlito has ever looked for in another human being. Carlito didn't think you would ever notice him, care for him, or want to know his feelings for you. But Carlito had to say it. Carlito just couldn't take it anymore. Carlito can't stand next to you without wanting to hold you. Carlito can't look into your eyes without feeling that, that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. Carlito can't talk to you without wanting to express his love for everything you are. Carlito couldn't allow another day to go by without just telling you .. Carlio knows you feel something too. There isn't another soul on this planet who has ever made Carlito half the person he is when he is with you. Because it is there between you and Carlito." _

_Trish blinked back at him, a little dazed. "Uh .. wow," she spluttered in shock._

_He looked back at her, crestfallen. "You don't feel the same as Carlito," he mumbled._

_"No!" She exclaimed. "No, that's not it. I just .. I don't know what to say .." Standing slowly, she straddled Carlito's lap, crushing her mouth to his. As they both fell back to the bed, she murmured into his lips. "Not. Going. Anywhere."_

_In that moment his heart soared. She said she wouldn't leave. He revelled in delight at the softness of her lips, the energy coursing through them both. Yet moments later, she pulled away from him and grabbed her phone. Carlito moaned at the sudden lack of contact between the pair. "Right," she said, a little breathless. "What's the doctor's number?"_

_But she got no real response. Carlito simple shoved his head under a pillow and groaned._

**----------------------------------------------------------**

His heart fell, and it felt like it had been smashed into a million pieces. Trish winced slightly. Okay, maybe that was a bit far ..

**Flames dance on crashing waves.. **

Carlito looked like he was about to cry as he recited in monotone. "If you want to leave wrestling, and leave Carlito, then that is your choice. Carlito cannot change that."

**Guiding ships who've gone astray..**

He hid his eyes and turned away, not wanting her to see the tears that were building. For the first time in what felt like forever Carlito had felt complete; but right now, before his eyes everything was being taken away from him. A knot seized up in his throat and he felt like he couldn't breathe. Carlito knew it, he thought miserably to himself. Why had he been so stupid as to think she would want someone like him?

Bemused, she hid a giggle.She brought his hand up to caress her cheek as she had many times before, when he'd just lost a match or he was feeling down; yet none of those moments compared to the mental anguish he was feeling right now. "Carlito ..."

He refused to look at her, hot tears spilling over his coffee coloured cheeks. "Trisha", he choked. "Can you leave me alone for a while please?" He was so upset he didn't realise he'd stopped referring to himself in the third person. Gently grasping his cheek, she turned it to face him, and kissed away one of his tears.

"Carlito." The way she said his name made his heart skip a beat. Low, seductive and teasing; they were the three words that would describe the perfect bedroom voice, and Trish was trying vainly to use her best bedroom voice to get Carlito back on track right now. "Did I ever say I was leaving you?"

"You said you were retiring and you were leaving." He pointed out hotly, failing to see her point.

"Yes," she affirmed. "I did say I was leaving the business. But not once, not once, did I say I was leaving you." His eyes sparked, filled with unnecessary hope. God, he could be a real drama queen at times. But still. She loved him.

"You're. Not. Leaving. Me." He said slowly, the wheels turning in his head.

"No. Never said I was."

"I thought .." he started brokenly. "When you said you were leaving .. You meant you were leaving me as well .." Shifting her on his lap so he was looking directly as her, Carlito drank up the sincerity in her eyes. She meant it.

She shook her head slowly. "No." Inching closer towards him she wrapped her arms around his neck folding herself against him. Burying her face in his neck, her voice dropped to a whisper. "I thought you would be mad at me. That's why I haven't mentioned it .."

Carlito raised his eyebrows in confusion. "Why would I be mad at you?" He asked quietly, rubbing soothing circles on her back. "Because you want to take some time off?"

"I thought .. I guess I thought you would try and stop me from going."

Turning his head slightly he kissed her neck. "I would never try and stop you from doing anything you wanted to do."

"Really?" Her voice contained traces of doubt. She wanted to believe him.

"Really." He confirmed softly. "I mean it. If you want to take some time off, then you will, and I will be right here beside you. If you want to sit around and do nothing, then I will be right there .. calling you lazy," he teased. "If you want to do anything, then Carlito will support you."

Trish smiled broadly as she realised he'd slipped back into referring himself as a third person again. It was going to be okay. Nuzzling his shoulder, she murmured something he didn't quite catch.

"What?"

Pulling away from him she said in all seriousness. "What if I want to move to Miami?"

"Then move to Miami," he moaned as she nibbled lightly on his earlobe. Focusing more on the attention Trish was giving him than what she was actually saying, it took him a few moments to process her words."Wait."

"Wait what?" She asked, lowering her head to blaze a trail of hot kisses along his neck.

"Trish, you live in Tampa," he said, obviously puzzled. "Why would you want to sell your house and move to Miami?"

Rolling her eyes Trish grinned. Was it the way she was torturing him or was Carlito just really slow on the uptake today?

"Well, there is no point in having two houses," Trish pouted sweetly. "I'm just going to move into yours."

**Although we have no obligation to stay alive  
On broken backs we beg for mercy, we will survive  
(Break out) I won't be left here  
Behind closed doors.**

**----------------------------------------------------------  
**

Thanks for the memories Trish


End file.
